The holidays are often filled with happiness, family, and tradition, but for divorced and divorcing individuals and families, they can be accompanied by stress, tension, and sadness as well. Negotiating new family dynamics during a transitional time while still trying to preserve traditions for your children, maintain civility with your ex-spouse, and blend or co-parent your respective households can seem daunting.

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At Stange Law Firm, we have decades of experience handling family law matters. We understand how important your family is to you, and we can help you in any legal battle to ensure that your children’s best interests are considered and your rights are protected. 

Adjusting Parenting Time Around the Holidays

Parents who share custody of a child may need to negotiate different parenting time schedules for major holidays and school breaks. Family courts in Iowa tend to favor flexibility in co-parenting arrangements, as long as the best interests of the child remain the primary consideration. In many divorce settlements and custody agreements, the parenting plan specifically states when each parent has time with the child during the holidays. 

This can include arrangements for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s, and the winter and spring breaks. However, if you and your spouse do not have a legal agreement regarding the holidays, it is generally a good idea to make alternative plans in advance to avoid confusion or conflict. 

Communicate Early and Plan Ahead

Communication and planning ahead are essential elements for successfully co-parenting during the holidays. Coordinating schedules, meals, gift-giving, travel, and other details early in the season can help avoid confusion, scheduling conflicts, and miscommunication between parents and their children. Setting up a shared holiday calendar can also help both households keep track of plans and make changes with plenty of time to spare.

Communication also extends to in-laws and other extended family members, particularly those from blended families. Family members can help children with divorce or co-parenting create a sense of continuity and familiarity during this time of year, but it is also important to be clear about boundaries and expectations for family members’ participation and about what traditions might look like, especially during holiday celebrations.

Finding New Ways to Celebrate

Parents who are adjusting to divorce or co-parenting during the holidays also have the opportunity to create new traditions that are unique to their current family makeup. This could mean both retaining some of the old ones and starting new ones that are special to your household. 

For example, parents could find new ways to celebrate existing traditions or try new things, such as volunteering, hosting a themed dinner party, going on day trips or short vacations, or engaging in activities unique to a new household dynamic. 

If some traditions will no longer be the same because they were specific to the former couple as a unit, parents can still develop meaningful rituals and holiday routines that emphasize family love, togetherness, and celebration.

Tips for Managing the Holidays After a Divorce

The marriage rate in Iowa is 5.2 per 1,000, and the divorce rate is 1.9 per 1,000. Divorce rates are 60% higher for couples married between the ages of 20 and 25. Divorce rates are 24% lower for people who wait until they are over 25 to get married.

As well as children, the holiday season can be a difficult time for parents to process emotions about major family changes. Parents might experience a range of difficult emotions, such as grief, loss, loneliness, guilt, resentment, or even relief, during family milestones, celebrations, or gatherings that were once a normal part of the holidays. 

For this reason, it is important to be self-aware and take care of your own emotional needs during the holiday season. Seek assistance professionally or from loved ones. You may also implement the following tactics to help ensure a smoother holiday schedule:

  • Plan ahead
  • Communicate
  • Be flexible
  • Establish a routine
  • Always put the child first
  • Practice self-care

By having clear plans, communication, and flexibility, divorced or co-parenting parents can reduce stress for themselves and their children during the holidays.

FAQs

Q: How Are Holidays Typically Handled in Iowa Custody Agreements?

A: In the State of Iowa, most custody agreements will include specific terms related to the major holidays, school breaks, and special occasions. Parents may alternate the holidays each year, share the day, or take an extended period of parenting time during the longer breaks. 

The Courts will always do what is in the child’s best interests and strongly encourage an agreement that reduces potential conflict and allows children to have a significant relationship with each parent.

Q: What if My Divorce Agreement Does Not Include Holiday Schedules?

A: Holiday schedules can be tricky; if not covered in the parenting plan, it may be beneficial to discuss and agree to a fair plan well in advance. If disputes continue, mediation is always a good resource, and eventually the Iowa courts may have to intervene if the parents can’t seem to agree. The children are always the main focus, and the plan is in their best interest and most beneficial for their emotional and developmental needs.

Q: Should I Involve a Mediator in Holiday Disputes?

A: Yes, mediators work with parents to reach agreements that are both fair and cooperative, and do not worsen an already contentious situation. Mediation is solutions-focused in a way that serves the best interest of the child, and it is also more likely to improve communications between the parents and lessen the emotional stress that both parents often experience. 

Many Iowa courts require or recommend mediation when parties are unable to resolve their disputes on their own.

Q: What if My Ex-Spouse Refuses to Cooperate During the Holidays?

A: If your ex-spouse refuses to cooperate, try keeping a journal of your communication with an uncooperative ex-spouse, if that is your situation. Pursue mediation and talk to your lawyer. The Iowa courts can step in to enforce parenting plans or change parenting arrangements when the behavior of one parent interferes with the child’s best interest. Keep your cool and remember the child’s interests are your focus.

Contact Stange Law Firm

We understand that the holidays can potentially be a time of stress for divorced couples. However, having a good plan in place can help alleviate that stress. Stange Law Firm can help if this is your situation. Contact us today for more information.