Everyone who chooses to end their marriage does so for their own personal reasons, and you should never let somebody try to convince you that your own reasons aren’t valid. Nobody knows or understands your boundaries better than you. One of the more common boundaries that is broken in a marriage occurs when your partner is unfaithful. This can be devastating, but you should understand the legal implications with the help of a Des Moines divorce lawyer.
Finding out that your partner has betrayed your marriage can be one of the most painful realizations of your life. It’s understandable to feel insecure, confused, and angry at your situation. Still, it’s important that you do what you can to protect yourself and decide whether you want to continue with this marriage or start divorce proceedings. Since Iowa is a no-fault divorce state, infidelity won’t directly impact the settlement, but it can affect it indirectly.
Hire the Right Kind of Lawyer
As you navigate the divorce process, it can be difficult to cope with everything alone. Deciding on the right divorce lawyer can be the most important choice you make during your entire divorce, aside from moving on from everything. At Stange Law Firm, we can provide you with a personalized and compassionate approach to your divorce. Our multi-state team has helped countless clients across the country handle their divorces and emerge relatively unscathed.
It may be important for you to understand the rates of marriage and divorce throughout Iowa, as they can provide you with perspective and remind you that you’re not alone.
In recent data from the CDC, the rate of divorce in Iowa has remained one of the lowest in the entire country at only 1.9 per 1,000 people as of 2023. The marriage rate in just Polk County, however, is quite high at 5.9 per 1,000 residents as of 2023, according to the Iowa Health and Human Services Department.
Choosing to pursue a divorce can be an emotional decision. After all, you may have expected your marriage to last forever. When it ends prematurely, it can throw your life plan off the rails. You might want to consider reaching out to a local divorce support group like DivorceCare or Second Saturday Divorce Workshops. Having someone to talk to about your fears, concerns, and hopes after divorce can be beneficial, especially if that someone has been where you are.
Letting Go of Infidelity After Divorce
There are many different things you can try and do in order to move past your partner’s infidelity and focus on the future. Unfortunately, not all of them are healthy behaviors. Shutting down and choosing to live in anger can create trust issues that will affect future relationships or even alienate your friends and family. That’s the last thing you want. It’s important to prioritize healthy coping strategies. These are some healthy ways you can start moving on from infidelity:
- Above all, you want to take comfort in the loved ones you still have. Choosing to prioritize relationships that haven’t failed you can be good for you. Your friends, close family, coworkers, neighbors, and extended family all want to see you move past this, and they can provide you with the love you need. You can never have too much support. You may also want to consider getting a hobby or reconnecting with old friends.
- You may have to confront your ex about what happened if you haven’t done so already. If you simply left without a conversation, you might want to get some sort of closure in order to move forward. If you can talk about this, be clear and concise. Ask your ex about it directly. Tell them how this whole situation has affected you and address any lingering grievances. Then, if you want, you may never have to see them again.
FAQs
Q: Is My Spouse’s Infidelity at Least Partially My Fault?
A: This is a very complex question. It’s important to keep in mind that, at the end of the day, your partner’s infidelity was a choice they made. Regardless of whether you believe your own actions drove them away, they chose to betray the marriage. Your partner may even try to convince you that it’s your fault. If that happens, just remind yourself that cheating is not a mistake; it’s a series of deliberate choices. Then, move forward whichever way you wish.
Q: Can My Marriage Be Saved From Infidelity?
A: You’re the only one who can answer that. You understand your boundaries when it comes to infidelity. If your partner cheats on you, it’s up to you to decide whether or not that’s a boundary violation you are willing to forgive. If you can’t, that’s perfectly understandable. Everyone is different, and everyone has a different threshold for betrayal. If both you and your partner are willing to acknowledge the hurt and rebuild trust, it’s possible your marriage can be saved.
Q: Does Infidelity Affect an Iowa Divorce?
A: No, infidelity does not directly affect an Iowa divorce. Since Iowa is a no-fault divorce state, you don’t need a reason to pursue a divorce. Wanting to end the marriage is reason enough. However, infidelity can indirectly affect the settlement process. If your spouse was using marital funds to pay for an affair, that can impact their split of marital assets. Additionally, you may be able to use the affair as justification for a custody arrangement that favors you.
Q: Should I Hire a Divorce Lawyer?
A: Yes, you should hire a divorce lawyer. Divorces can often be unpredictable and complicated, especially when considering custody arrangements and asset division. Infidelity can complicate things further, and you might want to consider hiring a divorce lawyer just to keep you focused on protecting yourself. Having a good lawyer by your side during this difficult time can make all the difference.
Contact a Lawyer Today
At Stange Law Firm, we recognize how difficult it can be to move past infidelity, and we can help you finalize your divorce so you can try to find a way forward. Contact us to speak to a team member about your case.